Reflecting with 4th of July upon us

I must admit I am learning so much on this journey already. I am learning that food will always be there. Yes, I am starting to crave things but ironically it is healthy food. I crave a nice salad, shrimp, chicken. I notice I am craving mostly protein. I would love a nice shrimp or chicken salad right now. In due time it will come. I need to be patient and let my pouch heal.


It's been a very reflective time for me as well. Yesterday was the first time I experienced a birthday party without eating food or cake. I had a few bites of my yogurt (with a squirt of lime) but realized that I survived. Sure the food looked good (BBQ chicken, salad w/ strawberries & blueberries, beans, watermelon) but in time I can have that. I'm learning that I don't NEED it. My body can live off of all the extra fat I have right now and keep me alive. In a few weeks I will be introducing fish, shrimp, melons and veggies but for now I am ok.


The hardest part is listening to my body... I know I've mentioned it before but it is still a struggle. So I will have some beans with lots of hot sauce. But because I get only a few bites before I am full, my brain wants more. I don't feel like I get to actually bathe the taste in my mouth. I am sure once I continue to introduce more foods in my diet it won't be such an issue. But having such a small selection of foods (yogurt & beans) sorta gets a person bored after almost 3 weeks. I'm building up the courage to try eggs again. I bought some fat free mayo to maybe do a deviled egg type thing but still afraid. I am tired of feeling horrible and if it doesn't agree with me I will definitely feel horrible. Cottage cheese I loved post-op but now I don't love it so much. My taste buds have changed for sure.

So as 4th of July approaches and I go to a BBQ it won't be a focus of food but more of a focus of family. They will eat and I will be grateful at this 2nd chance of my life. Knowing I have a new and improved relationship with food will make me humble. Just knowing that last year food was on the brain and this year family, living and being so grateful is on the brain is a huge relief.


As an update how I feel changes hour to hour and day to day. Some days are ok, some days are horrible, some mornings are horrible but the afternoons are good. I just never know what I am going to feel. So I just do what I am supposed to making sure I take my vitamins & medicine, drink my fluids & lastly have my protein. That is all I can do. I have to constantly remind myself I just had major surgery. Although my incisions are healed up my insides are not. My insides are on a giant roller coaster. I know in time I will feel better. It is all about time and taking one day at a time as I have no control over tomorrow and how I feel anyhow. My weight loss has stalled. It is expected. My body is freaked out and not sure what to do. I know it will eventually release and I will start losing again. I just have to be patient. I am still impressed with the weight loss so far though so I really can't complain. I've lost 35 pounds since surgery. That is a lot at an average of 2 pounds a day. I am still so shocked I've lost a total 112 pounds. That is a lot as most of that I did on my own with diet and exercise. Unfortunately, it is hard to see the weight loss on me. My face is thinner but that is all most people can see. I can tell I'm less wide (by how I fit in chairs) and also most of my pants are very baggy in the stomach.


I hope all of you have a SAFE and wonderful 4th of July. I am so grateful for my freedom from food!