Well not a whole lot to report but I figured I get on here to post an update. Yesterday was my first time going out to a restaurant and I was really stressed out about it. I did find something I could eat and it stayed down (yay). I found a shrimp and avocado appetizer. Definitely a small portion which was good for me. It was just enough! The waiter kept asking me if I wanted a drink... it was odd to not have something but I knew if I ordered water I would be tempted to drink it which is a weight loss surgery no-no. No drinking 1/2 hour before meals, during meals and 1 hour after meals. I also ventured out and had some yogurt. I love Golden Spoon frozen yogurt and 1/2 of a mini size is just enough for me. I have the other 1/2 in the freezer for later.Also went to the movies. It was a huge step for me. I'm not too into going into crowds of people. It just makes me feel super uncomfortable. So going the the movie theatre and sitting in the front row was a huge step for me. The good news was it was a great move that my husband and I both enjoyed. If you wanna laugh then go and see Friends with Benefits.
As for the weight loss... I am losing but not as fast as I was. I guess a good steady 2-3 pounds a week is definitely something I will take. But also knowing how limited my food intake is I would expect to lose a little more. I am happy to be meeting with my surgeon this next week just to go over things and get more of a grip on things. Maybe I will need to up my protein which I am thinking I may just start leaning more towards protein shakes and not worry about the food. We will see what is said. So I've lost 44 pounds since surgery (almost 6 weeks out) and 121 total.
I have to admit this is much, much harder than I had expected. My mind is the one having the hardest time. My body knows what to do. My body is keeping me alive by surviving on my fat storage. But my mind is all over the place. I know hormones do have a lot to do with my mental state but my mind STILL wants to eat more. Not only that but I now have no choice. I can not eat emotionally, period, nada, nilch, none, zero. I also cannot get stuffed or else I will pay the consequences. That is the hardest part for me. Of course it is great for me and my health BUT on the same token it is just like quitting cold turkey I guess and I have to really depend on those new and healthy coping methods I know about. It is definitely hard to change those habits. Although I thought I was mentally prepared and ready prior to surgery somehow it makes it much more different when it is real. Don't get me wrong I was somewhat prepared but not as much as I thought. I guess you can only imagine so much but when something is real and you live through it it is quite another thing. That is why I don't like to judge others, until I've lived in their shoes. Ironically I don't have the unhealthy cravings still. Hopefully I don't ever again. But I also know that I'm lucky to get in a few bites of whatever I eat and even luckier if it stays down. All the stuff I used to like and crave I know would make me very ill and I've consciously made that decision that it just isn't worth it. So I guess it just comes down to choices now. I don't have a lot of choices right now, in that choices that I know won't make me ill. I have a small handful of choices I can say yes too and everything else is a "NO" at this point. That part is still hard to grasp especially when I see others around me enjoying that food that made me so fat. It doesn't bother me to see others eat it just sort of makes me sad inside that I've cut off that relationship with food. I know it needed to happen but when you lose a best friend no matter how you lose that friend and no matter if that friend was toxic or not... it still hurts. So yes... it still can hurt. I do knwo that time is on my side. I know that with time all of this will get easier. Time is necessary to heal the past wounds, to make the new healthy choices and remember that this is my new life. This is the lifestyle choice I chose for myself so I didn't end up in the ground at 35 years old. This is the choice I chose for myself and I know it is the best choice for myself it is just getting through the rocky patches and back to the road where it isn't as rocky and I am more confident in the choices I am making.
But honestly I can't complain because I am getting health under control and that is what my goal was all along.
0 comments:
Post a Comment