I'm fighting for my health!

So I am having a rough day today. I woke up grouchy and tried to get my act together this morning while getting ready. I was making my morning protein shake and it was blending in my hand held blender and I knocked it over. It went all over me and all over the floor so I had to clean that up plus not to mention I had to change clothes. I came into work and I felt everyone was needy first thing and that really set me off. I am on a roller coaster now. I almost feel like I need to be locked up somewhere. Well not locked up…but isolated. Not that I would harm anyone but I just can’t handle people right now. I know this lifestyle change (no carbs) is good for me BUT man oh man am I going through withdrawals. I’ve watched shows like Dr. Drew and  watching people fighting their addictions and I feel the same way. I am so grouchy! This is so hard to deal with but yet I am doing it. I don’t get to go to rehab, I get to deal with everyday life and the stress involved in it so really it is even harder. Not to mention food/carbs are around me all day tempting me. They are easy to find and fairly cheap in comparison to some of the other addictions. I’m not saying this addiction is harder or easier because an addiction is an addiction there is no comparison. What I am saying is it is hard to have the temptations around me. The good news is at home there is no temptations. Maybe that is why I feel happier at home. I feel safe. I’m doing a food journal and the foods I have eaten have carbs in them so it isn’t like I am at zero carbs everyday but for some reason when it isn’t the fluffy carbs (as I call them) like the bread, tortillas, crackers, etc. it doesn’t feel as satisfying. My yogurt I ate today has carbs, even my protein shake has carbs (only 5g) but when it isn’t in the fluffy form I feel like I’m deprived or I am missing out. I know one day I will be totally happy about the fact that I am no longer addicted to those things but right now I am not there.  I am hungry. This is such a hard road. I don’t think I even had this hard of a time when I did medifast. Because guess what… I could still have my carbs. They had an item called soy crisp (like rice cakes) and those definitely were comfort to my carb addiction. Also learning how to make the right decisions is hard too. I mean I am focusing on high protein which is great but I have to prepare and then try to find different ways of getting that protein in. I don’t want to burn myself out on chicken. I had some imitation crab for lunch yesterday (it was just ok) and then fish for dinner. I had tuna for lunch today so it looks like I may burn myself out on fish. I know that my other option is turkey. So I have options. For those of you that don’t know I don’t eat beef, pork or lamb. Just a personal choice. I haven’t purposely ate it in about 6 months. That was easy because I didn’t enjoy them THAT much anyways. I have had beef a few times but it was because I ate something at a family gathering and I wasn’t aware that there was beef in it. It isn’t going to kill me I just try to stay away. So I guess I need to incorporate more recipes. Eating a salad for every meal is boring as well. So I just need to learn some new recipes. I had told River that I found some recipes online and I am going to print out some that sound good and make a binder of bariatric free recipes and I can start trying things now. I am trying to be positive but this is just so hard it truly is but I am fighting…