Life...pain...trying to stay positive

Well my knee is getting worse. I am sooo scared. I am in so much pain that I feel nauseous. It is horrible! I have officially hit rock bottom. I don’t know what else I can do for myself. I’ve lost 62 pounds total (I’m proud of that) but what else can I do? I can’t make the fat melt off of me but I sure wish I could at this point. I had the oddest but coolest thing happen to me last night. Some of you may think I have gone crazy and maybe I have. Maybe it is the pain but  I tend to think not. So I was in that phase of sleep where you are awake but almost asleep. My knee was throbbing and I was trying to breathe and ignore it. I had said my prayers earlier asking God for relief of my pain. So anyhow… next thing you know a white light shines down on my knee and I heard a voice say your prayers have been answered. I thought I was dreaming so it woke me up and I could straighten my knee with no pain. My knee did feel a little bit better for a brief moment. Then shortly thereafter I was in pain again. But I did not ask how long to have relief of my pain. Maybe I need to ask for exactly what I want. Often times I’m too vague in what I want. So tonight I will be asking for permanent relief of my pain. Let’s see what happens. At least from the intense pain. This is no place to be. I am not  happy in this place that I am at. At least physically I feel like crap. I can barely walk. I can barely stand. The weight is taking a toll on my body. I can’t even imagine if I was 62 pounds heavier. I am not going to go there. If my knees felt better I would definitely feel better but I suppose this is my constant reminder. I don’t think I need a reminder but alas there it is. Throbbing making me aware of all the bad decisions I’ve made. All the reasons I would stuff my mouth with food. I try to exercise but land exercises aren’t cutting it. I walk only when I need to. That is all I can do. I ride the bike but can’t decide if that is making my knee better or worse. I do weights on my arms and have been doing the resistance bands a bit too. I have increased my wii play as well. Yesterday I didn’t do anything due to the pain. Today I am in pain but I am going to force myself to do something. If even for 10 minutes. I need to do this. So any of you that are spiritual or religious please send your prayers. They are definitely needed.