50% of my weight loss GONE!

Well I can officially say I DID IT! I reached my 1/2 way point of weight loss. I'm so astounded! I'm sooo proud of myself! When I stepped on the scale and saw the scale say 389.4 I just started gushing with tears. They were tears, of joy of course, but I became overwhelmed with my emotions of joy. I've officially lost 190 pounds and have only 190 more to go. It seems so much more attainable than the original 379 I had to lose total. I feel like I've climb up the big hill and now I am just on the other side and get to go downhill. Don't get me wrong, I know that it isn't going to be easy from here on out. I have no expectations of it being easy and in fact I know that as I get closer to my goal it will be much harder to lose the weight. But I am ok with that. It isn't a race to the finish line. My body has to fight me... I mean otherwise it would be easy. But my body has every right to fight me as long and harsh as I abused it. I really did abuse my body. No one gets to 579 pounds without lots of abuse. But I think my body understands my love for it. Every square inch of saggy skin, cottage cheese looking thighs, saggy underarms that look like "Dumbo ears". I have learned to embrace it and love it all. I look at them as battle wounds. You don't go into a fight without battle wounds and well I have been fighting for my health and those battle wounds are definitely showing. I may eventually opt to have skin removal. It really just depends how bad it gets and if it gets in the way of everyday functions. I think my thighs and my stomach may be too saggy I will need to get it removed but only time will tell.


So speaking of saggy skin.... I know it is time to get a trainer. I'm so scared. I don't know why because I had one about 5 years ago when I lost weight the last time and I did fine. But this time seems different. So if anyone has a trainer they love that is in the San Diego area please forward me their contact information. I prefer someone close to my house or someone that can come to my house just so I have no excuses. I am going to see how much firming a trainer can do with my saggy skin. I also need to get my legs stronger. I am happy to report that my knees are much better. I really noticed today when I went to my appointment regarding my lump on my stomach (I will talk about that later). I remember going to this facility a year ago and couldn't walk to my appointment without being out of breath and in pain and I remember having to "take a break" just to walk a fairly short distance. Today I walked to my appointment with no pain (today is a good day) and I was not out of breath at all. I even took the stairs when I left. Now I don't always have good days with my knees. Yesterday my left knee kept giving out and hurt a lot. I don't know if it has to do with my workout on Tuesday (lots of leg/knee work) or it was random. But I am happy that at least I now have good days with my knees whereas before my knees hurt 24/7.


So as I mentioned I went to my appointment regarding my lump on my stomach. I went in thinking the doctor/surgeon would look at it and send me home. Instead he decided to go ahead and remove it. I was soooooooo nervous. The nurse told me he has been doing it for 35 years and that he is very good. She was right. He numbed it and all I felt was pressure and some uncomfortableness. I was really uncomfortable for about 3 minutes and was really hot but once he got through that part (I think it was the cutting) I was good. We talked about weight loss and he educated me on fat. How when you have too much fat (like I did) it can compress blood vessels as it did on mine where the lump was removed. He said it was a thrombosed varicose vein and had to put a stint in my blood vessel because it was attached to it. There was lots of bleeding that I saw by accident (he put his hands up and I saw all the blood on his gloves). But it doesn't seem like anything serious. He showed me what it looked like and it looked similar to the picture to the left. But it was definitely more lumpy.


I have come so far in my weight loss. I feel like this is my lifestyle and a lifestyle I can truly live with. I think that is the difference between now and all the other times I "dieted". Before they were just diets whereas this isn't a diet this is my new life. That is the key to success. Finding a lifestyle change that will help you loose weight but also once you get to your desired weight loss goal you can still maintain the same lifestyle and maintain. I know people tell me I'm in the honeymoon stage and yes I guess I am. But I am telling you... my head has changed and there is no honeymoon about that. I don't feel like I have to hurry up and get done with this "diet". Nothing is going to change for the rest of my life other than I will always have to be mindful of what I eat and exercise. I will always have to keep my head in check. In fact I have learned through my journey that beating any kind of addiction whether it is food, drugs, alcohol or any other kind of addiction, it is 99% mindset. If I have the right mindset then eating healthy and exercising isn't such a chore. If I have don't have the right mindset then eating healthy is a bore and exercising doesn't happen or I make excuses. I think that pretty much goes for anyone. The journey is one of a mental battle where we are battling ourselves. We are either telling ourselves positive things or negative things and that determines our actions. It is all basic and makes sense but never really made sense until recently.


Again thanks to all of you that keep me going. If it weren't for you I don't think I would be where I am today. Much love to all of you!