Sunday, February 27, 2011

A day of thoughts.... has been so long since I've been here! I just got overwhelmed with all the things I do. Email, youtube video, here and posting on another forum. Well I think I will come back to this. I can always copy and paste to other places if I feel it necessary. The forum is being revamped on Wednesday and I can link this blog to a blog on my forum so that works. I haven't done a video in forever but that is something else.

Well as a recap I lost 58 pounds on my own. I completed the Kaiser 24 week program, I passed the walking test, my labs are all within the normal range and I have an appointment with my bariatric surgeon on Wednesday.  Which leads me to my current feelings. I am scared. I am excited. I am anxious. I wish they would schedule the surgery quickly so that I didn't have time to have the roller coaster of emotions I am going through. I am trying to be calm but on the inside I am going nuts. I've been a bit depressed being that I know how far on the bad side I have come. Meaning I have hit rock bottom. I can barely walk which scares me to death. It is crazy how fast my knees have deteriorated. I mean I knew they would over time at my weight but it was much faster than I had expected. I am excited for my new life though. Excited to wake up and have a 2nd chance at life. I'm trying to think about all the positives but once in a while a negative thought will scream at me. Uggghhh... I hate that mind chatter. In any event I just wanted to let go of some sadness I am experiencing. Not sure what is making me sad. Maybe it is saying goodbye to the old me. I mean I do not like the old me but still is a sadness in it. I need to let go and think of all the wonderful things my life is going to bring because of the decision I have made for myself. Wow! So much to look forward to. I can't wait to be "healthy" and to be a "normal" weight.
See you on the losers bench!