Wednesday, August 31, 2011

One day at a time

So it has been a few weeks since I’ve posted an update on my blog. Well the numbers are easy to post. I’ve lost 65 since surgery (10 weeks ago) and 145 total. The numbers are pretty amazing. It doesn’t affect me when I say them but when I type them they seem to be more impressive. I’m still staying humble as I know I still have a long ways to go. I’m just nearing the halfway mark (in about 45 pounds).

How have I felt? Good question. Well it has been up and down for me. I was sick for 3 days and later, after some investigating, came to find out it was caffeine. I got sick and threw up the other nights (veggies) but I think that is due to garlic. So I have to play investigator and see if anything is in common with another time I have gotten sick. I don’t venture too often and try to sick with the same things but I have to be honest, I’m bored with it.

I’ve given up on food. I wish I didn’t have to eat to survive. Alas, I can’t. Nothing really tastes good or even sounds good. When I eat it does nothing for me (other than nourish my body). But that pleasure center in my brain definitely doesn’t get pushed when I eat. I throw up occasionally (usually because something doesn’t agree) but I remind myself I need to learn from it (what not to eat again for awhile). My hormones are going wild. Not only from the surgery but hormones are stored in fat and being I’m losing fat…well the hormones go wild. Especially since I’m losing fat at a pretty fast pace overall. So each day varies. You know that saying take one day at a time… I literally have to do that.

I’m not wanting to sound negative but just being honest. I really hope it doesn’t come across to you as being negative. This isn’t easy. I didn’t think it would be easy as weight loss isn’t easy no matter how you decide to lose weight. But I have to say this is much harder than I anticipated. I think it also has to do with the fact that the surgery is still “recent”. Just because my incisions are healed up and my scars are all good doesn’t mean my insides are healed up or even my head. It is a big adjustment for my head.

I have no regrets though. I am living each day to the best I can. Even when I am not feeling well I still try to push through it knowing I am going to be ok. I remind myself that I did this so that I would live and be able to celebrate life. I can’t even imagine what I would feel like being 145 pounds heavier right now. I think I would just be so miserable and feeling worse than I am now. So I am grateful for the opportunity.

I’m very grateful for those of you that send me emails or messages. It is nice to know I have people out there reading my blogs and supporting me. Sure makes the journey easier.

Feel free to email me at any time. I’m here to help, encourage and inspire. If I can just inspire one person to make a lifestyle change to get healthier than it is all worth it to me!

Friday, August 12, 2011

What I have learned and am learning

I have learned that it isn’t about the food it is about the mind and how we think about food. That is all weight loss is. We have to change our relationship with food which is not a easy task. It is like telling a drug addict, you can have your drugs, but you can only have these drugs and you can only have it this many times a day and you can only have it for this reason. Food was my drug of choice. Did you catch the fact I said WAS. I am officially letting go. I am so over food now. I don’t enjoy it like I used to. Sure I can taste some delicious flavors but I don’t need to have it for every single reason you can think of. I eat (or drink) my 3 meals a day and I am good. An average day is a protein shake for breakfast, 4-5 bites of tuna or beans or a string cheese for lunch, and for dinner it varies. But dinner again is about 4-5 bites and I’m done. I’ve finally gotten to a point where I am not throwing up. I was throwing up due to eating too much food. Even though I was only eating 4-5 bites but at the time it was too much. I remember I was so excited to see food and the taste… oh goodness. If it tasted really good I shoved in as much as I could and it was too much. My body would tell me it was too much by throwing it up. I’ve only thrown up once in the last 2 weeks which is a good feeling. I’m finally getting the hang of when I am full and the flavors don’t hold me for ransom anymore. I enjoy the flavors and enjoy what I eat and that is it. I’m done. Sometimes I don’t enjoy it but know I have to eat.

I have noticed many changes in my body. My face is obviously smaller. I can’t notice much of a difference until I look at pictures to compare with and there is definitely a difference. My upper body is thining out. I have so many people tell me my shoulders and upper body are thin but I honestly don’t see that. My stomach though… I can see that. My skin is saggy, my stomach doesn’t protrude out as much and my pants are very big. I have a few pairs of jeans that I’m grateful I have hips because that is what keeps them from falling off. My hips have thinned out too I noticed there isn’t as much padding there (although there is still some everywhere, obviously). Even my legs are thinner and are getting that saggy skin. Saggy skin go away! I am working out which will help with my sagging skin and in about 50 pounds from now I have been thinking I will get a personal trainer to help me out. Oh yeah… another thing… my wedding ring barely fits… meaning it is falling off me. I have to be very careful with it. I am going to buy those ring adjusters so that I don’t have to continue to resize my wedding ring.

This time losing my weight versus last time feels a lot different. I don’t have the giddy feeling. I think that is a good thing though because it means my head is level and I’m not being over confident. I am proud of myself of course, but just not that peppy I’m on top of the world and I’m invincible feeling. I think that is what is needed in order to be successful. I’ve been told by many that once you become cocky you will start gaining weight. I have promised myself to not become that cocky person. I think I am much humbler than ever before. I also know I have a long road ahead of me still so I can’t get too excited quite yet. When I’m at goal I will party but until then I’m staying focused.

I’m including a picture of myself. I’m now at 60 pounds gone since surgery and 137 pound gone total. Those numbers are staggering. I guess I really can do this! I am doing it! This doesn't stop today. This is to be continued....