Struggles Won't Hold Me Back

Total Weight Loss: 212 pounds
Post-op Weight Loss: 135 pounds
Pounds left until I reach MY personal goal: 167


Not much to report. My weight loss is coming off. I am exercising. I am being a good girl or at least trying. I am in the process of experimenting with new recipes. I'm bored with the same ol' thing and there are so many things I can eat so it is time for some variety. 


I'm still working up the courage for a personal trainer. Not sure why I am so scared. I am trying to reach down inside of me to see what the real blockage is but I can't find any answers. I think I do really baby my knee and have a fear of having someone damage it more. But I am going to start with going to the doctor and see if physical therapy is the answer or if it is beyond physical therapy. There are lots of knee issues going around my family right now. Mother-in-law had knee replacement in December, my Mom is having knee replacement in April (waiting for insurance approval) and my husband is more than likely going to have to have orthoscopic surgery on his knee. It isn't fun! But alas it is what it is and I will deal with it as it comes.


I do know that a personal trainer will get me more aligned with where I need to be. So my goal is to schedule appointments with a few personal trainers to meet with them by the next time I write my next blog. I think my legs are really lacking in so many ways. I absolutely hate the way they look and I feel like they aren't quite as strong as they should be. I also think my core is a bit weak as well. So I know a trainer will get me on the right path. As Nike says I just need to "Just do it". 


I feel like my health is really strong though. No major incidents of getting sick (knocking on a big block of wood). Prior to surgery I would catch things fairly easy but as of now all things have been avoided. My husband has been sick twice since my surgery and I haven't caught either of them. I am so very grateful for my health in that way. 


I am having a hard time taking my vitamins which I feared prior to my surgery. They do have a vitamin that is powder that I put in my water and drink it like it is crystal light so that has been very helpful but I don't always remember about that. My multi-vitamin and calcium are chewables because I don't swallow pills well. Plus it gives it a bit of flavor and some change. There are other vitamins I do have to swallow and I dread it. I find I do better during the weekend but the weekends really throw me off. As usual... the weekends throw me off in a lot of different areas. But I am definitely working on it.


If anyone ever says weight loss surgery is "easy" they obviously haven't ever experienced it. I hear people say it all the time and it really upsets me. I guess it is hypocritical because I used to think it was the "easy way out" myself. But in no way is it easy. It is a lot of hard work and dedication. You have to mindfully plan ahead to make sure you are getting the proper nutrition (vitamins and protein specifically). I've also heard people say that weight loss surgery is for "lazy" people. That really gets my blood boiling. I literally work my ass off with my workouts and in no way am I lazy. Not just the workouts but all of the planning as I mentioned above. I'd say weight loss surgery is harder than any "diet" I've been on. But I also know it is because this is a lifestyle change and lifestyle changes are very hard because you have to break those old habits. But I do understand it is easy to judge without having gone through the process or even done research on the process. Most people are ignorant when it comes to weight loss surgery and don't know everything that is involved. So I like to give people the real truth and educate them. Maybe I can change someone's mind. Not to have surgery but to admit that it isn't the easy way out and that weight loss surgery patients are not lazy.


To wrap this up life is good. I have some struggles that I'm working on but nothing in life is easy. I will get through it one way or another. I appreciate the support all of you give me, it definitely helps me to get through some of the harder times.

Progress Is Where the Heart Is

Current update

Starting (highest) weight: 579

Day of Surgery weight: 502

Current weight: 370

Total weight loss: 209

Post-op weight loss: 132

Yes, I am finally posting the true and said numbers. You know why? Because the numbers are not who I am but the numbers are a reflection of where I was an where I am now. So many factors are involved in the numbers though. Such as muscle mass will make the numbers higher, for a female during that time of the month numbers change and many other factors. But with that said I can say that I’ve had some progress.

My husband and I in Las Vegas, 2012

So my lifestyle change can be hard when travelling. I had to make choices eating out while in Vegas. I made decent choices I must say. Chose to eat meatballs only at an Italian Restaurant (ate 1/3 of the very large meatball). I had chicken fajitas minus the tortillas and rice (so just basically chicken and some beans with some guacamole & sour cream). I ate a hamburger with no bread (ate about 1/3 of the burger). After eating the burger though I realized I ate way too much beef for me. I eat beef maybe once every few weeks but while I was in Vegas I ate it two days in a row. My body definitely let me know that eating beef that often is not something it likes. It doesn’t mind the occasional but that was too much. I didn’t throw up (thank goodness) but I just felt “blah”. Yeah I know that really doesn’t describe it but it is the best I can do. Just an overall feeling of “yucky”. I know I must have regressed with my vocabulary coming from that of a 4 year old in me describing how I felt but I suppose that is the 4 year old in me that has been telling me for years how my food habits have been. They have definitely been “blah” and “yucky”.

I was thrilled I was able to get around much easier than 3 years ago when I was in Vegas. I remember 3 years ago all too well. Walking and having to sit down at one of the slot machines just so I could catch my breath every 20 feet or so. This time I was able to walk from one end of the casino to the other with no breathing issues. The only issues were my knees (the left one in particular) which gave me some pain and such but I did it. I can tell I’m in much better shape since I am not so out of breath. If my knees were better I would have walked around like it was nothing but my knees still hold me back considerably.

But honestly I think the progress is where the heart is. I think inside of me is where the progress has been not only the most gratifying but the most work has been done on the inside and in my heart. I really listen to my body, my mind and my heart and have really began to sync them together. I think God has really created this wonderful being (me). I’m learning so many wonderful things about myself and learning that when I say nice things about myself it doesn’t mean I have an ego. I used to think that saying nice things about myself meant I had a ego issue and that people would think of me as “bitchy”. Well now I don’t care what people think (as much) and secondly I am a good human being and it is ok for me to say that. I am finally learning about what some of my gifts are. I have the gift of writing. I have had so many people tell me that but never believed it. Now I do believe it and realize how much joy I receive from it as well.

As each day goes by I become more grateful and humble for my health and the gift I gave myself. It has truly transformed my life. I see pictures of myself and I still am in awe. I haven’t seen my face look as thin as it looks in a very long time. My body has really thinned out too and I am so proud of the healthy lifestyle I have chosen and I have dedicated myself too.

Something interesting that came to me the other day. I was reading the People issue about people that have lost ½ their body weight “with no surgery”. What makes me most upset about that is that it is as if they are alluding to the fact that surgery is some kind of magic and people don’t have to work just as hard. I mean I give people credit for losing weight now matter how they do it because no matter if you have surgery or “diet” it is all the same kind of hard work. I mean do people really think that because I have had surgery I’ve lost this weight by watching TV all day and eating bon-bons? I’ve had to watch what I eat and specifically even more so than someone who hasn’t had surgery. I’ve had to exercise and I do exercise my butt off.  I’ve completely changed my lifestyle and I have changed what is going on in my head… which is the same as someone who hasn’t had the surgery. I understand that surgery is a tool but isn’t Weight Watchers a tool to others, Jenny Craig to others, so on and so forth.? I think it sort of belittles those that decided to have weight loss surgery and have had amazing accomplishments. I still hear so many negative comments about having weight loss surgery which upsets me because no one should judge unless they’ve experienced it or dealt with obesity issues. But alas I know people won’t change and they will continue to judge. Yet something else I wish I could remove to make this world a better place.

But I continue to stay positive and live my life and not try to let others or the media belittle my progress. I’ve worked so very hard to lose 209 pounds and will continue to fight hard for the 170 more pounds I have to lose.

With that I say good night, God Bless, and may you all have good health!

I've lost over 200 pounds!

I did it!

So I can’t believe I haven’t shared the good news here on my blog. What am I waiting for? Well to be honest I have been a bit busy. I’ve increased my workouts so don’t have a lot of time during the week as it is work, workout, dinner, bed. But the good news is on New Year’s Day to start out my day my body decided to weigh me in at a lower weight. As of the 1^st I had officially lost 202 pounds. Yes I even got an extra two pounds in that. That was definitely a rough plateau in which I was up and down 2 pounds for two weeks. I also counted how much weight I lost during the holidays. Only because that is when most people gain. I was surprisingly shocked (so shocked I calculated twice) that I lost 19 pounds from Thanksgiving Day to January 1^st . That is a lot of weight and to have 2 weeks of it with no change means basically I lost 19 pounds in 3 weeks. I am shocked that it is so much not shocked I lost weight. I didn’t eat bad at all and felt no guilt this holiday season. I kept my workout routine and pretty much kept everything the same.

So as of this morning (1/5/12) I’ve lost a total of 205 pounds (128 since surgery). I have created a piece of paper that has 18 stars on it. Each star represents 10 pounds. So I only need to lose 1 star 18 times for a total of 180 pounds. I’m 4 pounds away from coloring my first one in which is exciting.

So I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I’ve already lost more weight than what I want to weigh as my goal weight. I have lost more than the “average” adult weighs. I’ve never ever lost close to this much. The closest was when I lost about 115 pounds about 6 years ago. I am so humble about this change though. I know it doesn’t make me any more special than the next guy or gal struggling with weight. The only difference is it has clicked in my mind and I am taking action to make it happen. I know at any point I could gain the weight back which is my biggest fear which is what I am really trying not to do. But I like to focus on what to do and NOT what I shouldn’t do.  Because I’ve learned if you focus on what not to do well you spend so much energy on it; it happens anyways. Instead energy focused on what you should/want/need to do is much more beneficial.

Anyhow, I thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. It is all greatly appreciated!