Weight loss is nothing but a mental test

So I've known that weight loss (and any addiction for that matter) is very mental. What I mean by that is it is a "mind game". But I realized that really it is about 98% about the mental mind game and only 2% about exercise and "diet". Think about it... when you are mentally motivated and you are mentally ready for something it is easy to do. When you aren't mentally motivated and you aren't mentally ready then it is more of a chore and much harder to do and to stick with. That is what weight loss (and any addiction) is all about. But it isn't about motivation because that is short lived. It is about that little switch in your head committing to the change. 


I talked to my therapist last week and realized how much has changed for me mentally since surgery. I could swear that when they were rerouting my insides they also did some mind work and cut out my demons but I have no scars or proof that happened. My therapist mentioned I had been doing lots of work prior to my surgery and the surgery was the day it all just came together... and while she is probably right I find it absolutely amazing at how different I am than I was even the day prior to surgery. I was pretty strong mentally but things would bother me (scents of food or watching other people eat something I wasn't allowing myself to have on my program). But I am so detached from food now that I don't even recognize myself. Smells of food don't bother me. Watching someone eat something doesn't bother me. I don't think about food AT ALL except when I have to figure out what I want to eat which takes forever but nothing ever really sounds great. I don't have cravings and specifically the cravings for sweets which used to be my weakness. I don't have the demons in my head trying to talk to me into something. I don't have any negative self-talk. It is like all that was laid to rest while I was in surgery. 


So lots of things go through my head though. I stepped on the scale the other day and was the same weight as my lowest point when I was doing medifast. I got scared. I realized that there are some things that do scare me. I am scared that I may gain some weight back. I am also scared that all of my mental changes are all part of the "honeymoon phase." While it definitely could be I feel like I have committed myself not to a diet but a lifestyle change. When I did medifast it was a diet but right now I am living the lifestyle change. My therapist said it could be a "honeymoon phase" but she really feels it is more permanent since I've been so committed to this lifestyle for 6 months already. She also stated that I am very humble and have learned so much since gaining weight from the last time that I've probably have a good set of tools with me on my journey this time. No ego allowed here. Don't get me wrong I am proud of myself and I allow myself to bask in the joy of my hard work; however, I don't bask for long. It is a real quick get in and out type of thing.


Now don't get me wrong, I am not perfect nor am I the queen of health. I still can make poor decisions. But usually it isn't because I am craving it but rather because I am bored of my other options. But my poor decisions are few and far between and it is usually a poor decision just because it isn't as protein packed as it should be. For instance, Oatmeal would be a poor option for me but overall for most other people it isn't a bad option. But I add some unflavored protein powder and then it is a good option for me. Been loving my unflavored protein powder to add to food to increase my protein.


So my only hope that I am truly who am I am going to be, mentally, permanently. It has been so nice to not have to deal with all the mental garbage especially after a lifetime of dealing with it. Again though my guard is still up. I am ready for anything. I know I can do this and I know deep down that this is a permanent change but someone who has struggled with this for their entire life, such as myself, can't help to wonder some of these things. 


I haven't weighed myself in a week and I will be tomorrow so not sure where I am weight-wise. I cleaned my closet out which in essence was a cleansing of myself. It was hard letting go of the fat Shanda and all of the fat clothes. I'm not even sure why because I was so miserable where I was. I think a lot of it has to do with the change and letting go of the old and accepting the new. That has always been a challenge for me. But on a positive note I now know everything in my closet fits me. There were so many things that were hidden in my closet that I feel like I have a new wardrobe. Life is good.