I got my date!

So I went and met with the new surgeon last night. He was asking me questions like do I lay down in bed when I sleep. Well of course I do. Then he said that they would like to see more weight come off. I told him I’ve lost almost 70 pounds already. He agreed that is a great job and excused himself to go get the weight loss worksheet. When he left the room I looked at my husband and felt defeated. I didn’t know it was going to be about this as I had thought I was already approved. In fact I was certain I was because I could have scheduled my surgery in September. He came back and told me he wants me to lose an additional 15 pounds by my surgery date. He also put me on a strict diet of whey protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and protein (chicken, fish or turkey) for dinner along with veggies or salad. For a snack I get ½ protein bar or carrot sticks. That is it. So I don’t know how I wouldn’t be able to lose with this new plan. He then said he would clear me but I need to have lost 15 pounds by the time they go to weigh me the day before surgery. Ironically I stepped on the scale this morning and I lost 2 pounds since yesterday (I’m going by what my scale at home said yesterday). So that is a good start. So I was told I would get a call within 2 weeks to get a surgery date.

 

This morning I got the call! What a wonderful birthday gift (today is my birthday). So my surgery date is June 14^th. WOW! Much sooner than I expected. I was thinking July. I asked if I could get a date in July and was told they can try but can’t promise anything that I should move forward with the June 14^th date. I got a call later on stating my surgeon is on vacation in July so they could do August. I’m not waiting so I am doing it in June. Wow, that date is 7 weeks from today. I am so nervous, excited , scared, anxious. It is amazing at all the emotions I am feeling right now. I know these next 7 weeks are going to go by quickly as I have so much to do to get prepared for it.

Small Victories

So yesterday was Easter and for some reason Easter is always about food, chocolate bunnies, jelly beans and those peeps. Well I don’t like peeps so I’m good there. I didn’t have any chocolate or jelly beans. In fact I was able to eat like a normal human being. The attitude is it is just another day. Grant it I know it is more than that but as far as my eating is concerned it is just another day. I had 1 piece of chicken, salad and fruit. I also made a delicious fruit dip that is sugar free. If you are interested click on the link to visit the website with the recipe here.  I did indulge in a dessert as my grandmother makes THE BEST cobbler BUT I just ate the fruit from the cobbler and left the crust part on my plate. It was delightful. I won’t be able to eat anything like that after my surgery as it will be way too much sugar for me but to have the fruit and have that last taste was decedent. I ate like a normal human being though. I ate to nourish my body and didn’t eat because it was another holiday and I had to gorge.

 

On a separate note one of the girls in my class is having her surgery today. I can’t help to think about her all morning and have butterflies. She is the first of our group to have the surgery. She was originally scheduled for August but a cancellation came and she took it. I am very excited for her! But it makes it even more real now that it is starting to happen to the people in my class.

 

I am meeting with the surgeon this afternoon. Excited to get this part done and get my surgery date. I am going to ask about when I will get a date. That is pretty much my only question. J Maybe a few others but I feel pretty confident overall in my surgeon and my decision.

 

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter and here is to a good week of healthy choices!

Remember: “The greatest wealth is health.” - Virgil

Appointment meeting new surgeon changed

I know… can I just get a break already? The appointment I was supposed to have meeting my surgeon tomorrow has been rescheduled for Monday afternoon. Ugghhhh… I just want to get it done and over with already so I can get my surgery date. This process has definitely been a test of patience that is for sure.

Finding balance...

Now that I am working out I find I don’t have much time to be blogging. I will continue to do updates and such as applicable. Right now I am working out 5 days a week. I know… it is quite remarkable the change in my mind. So Sunday – Thursday is my workout and I have Friday & Saturday off. During the work week it makes for a long day as I leave work, go home change and pick up River, drive to the YMCA (about 15 minutes depending on traffic) then workout for an hour, then we usually jump in the Jacuzzi to warm up and relax our muscles a bit, then we come home and eat dinner. By the time I am done eating dinner it is around 8:30 or 9:00. By the time I eat dinner and wind down for an hour or so (watching TV) I’m dosing off on the couch and it is off to bed. I’ve been going to bed around 10:00 almost every night. So in any event I will definitely update as I can. Right now I think the exercise is most important for me although the support I get from all of you is terrific. I need to find that balance which is hard to do.

No, I have not been cloned.

Many people think I have been cloned after learning I woke up on a weekend, today which is Sunday, at 7:30am and got up and went to the gym and exercised for 2 hours. Plus I only got 5 hours of sleep (I'm a 8 hours of sleep kind of girl especially on the weekends). Yes, it is true. Well let me go back...it is true I did all of the above but it is not true I've been cloned. I did a hour of water yoga and let me tell you there are some flexible people. I'm not one of them (yet). But it was a good stretching, meditation and breathing class which is super important on this journey. Then I did a super intense hour of water aerobics. River and I (yes he did both classes with me and he enjoyed them) went to the Encinitas YMCA today rather than our normal YMCA in Rancho Penasquitos. This water aerobic instructor was great. We got music (we don't get that in Rancho Penasquitos) and we got a very energetic instructor. She really encouraged us to push. We did some sprinting where I just really pushed myself. I definitely was winded but it felt good afterwards. I'm just learning to have a healthy lifestyle again. Something happened last week that really got me angry as to where I was with my weight. So my anger has helped fuel my passion and desire to live healthy by eating right and exercise.

So let's back up. What I am about to tell you is very embarrassing but by letting it out I am hoping it frees me from holding the embarrassment in (what a vicious cycle).  So I was invited (along with several co-workers) out to a social happy hour event and I had to decline not because I wanted to but to save me from possible embarrassment. I don't drink alcohol any longer but that isn't what really bothered and stressed me out. Yes, I was stressed about it. I cried about it, I had panic attacks over it. It really ate me up. Why I really had to decline is the fact that I know this place does not have chairs to accommodate my size nor do they have parking to accommodate my handicap needs. In fact there isn't much parking at all and I know I would have to walk too far and my knee just can't take it at this point. I was so angry that I let myself get to a point where I have to stress about being able to fit in a chair and if I am going to be able to walk to the place without falling over. Of course there is also the uncomfortableness of going to a unfamiliar place (I haven't been there in 10 years) and being around people who are healthy, and well let me put it out there... the "snobby rich people." Don't get me wrong not all people who have money are snobby. But living in a "wealthy" area of town has made me learn that many (not all) of the "wealthy" people look down on people who are overweight, especially over weight as myself. I guess it is because they have tummy tucks and plastic surgery they wouldn't know what real was. Haha. Ok, I'm not hating...just saying... I know I shouldn't care and I know I just need to be me but I am not comfortable in my own body so that stuff really gets to me. I already hear the comments enough in the few places I do go... I don't need to hear them again and nor do I need to be embarrassed one more time in regards to my weight. I heard someone say something at the gym the other day which upset me because I was there to do something about my weight. It was a kid so I can't really let a little kid upset me but it did. At least he said "big" instead of "fat". But nonetheless it still hurts. I know a lot of people have no idea what I am talking about here. Unless you have walked in my shoes (which many of you have walked in similar shoes) then you can't really judge. I'm not saying you are going to judge because all of you are so wonderful... but I'm just saying... It has something that has really upset me and always upsets me when I am invited to go to a "new" place or a place that I know won't accommodate my size. I already get stressed about going to a place that will accommodate my size. Yes, many of you that are close to me don't know that. I can hide things very well. I can fake it until I make it. I do it because I don't want to come across as weak or pathetic and I don't want to hear the words "just get over it". It is more than just getting over it.

So in any event that is that. I'm moving forward to healthy goals now. My goal is 10 pound goals. The big goal for me is to have 100 pounds gone by the time I have surgery in July. I have around 66 pounds gone so I have to try for an additional 34ish pounds in the next 3 months which is doable if I keep my mind focused on the prize (my health).

Surgery Update

I received a call from my surgeons office and I got excited. I was told they are calling to either schedule a surgery date for me with my current surgeon in September OR to have surgery in July with a different surgeon. I decided to choose July because I really want to get this done and over with especially since I’ve been waiting so long. Plus several others are having theirs in July as well. I meet with the new surgeon on Friday (week from today) and I will get a surgery date shortly thereafter. While I am disappointed I don’t have “the date” I am happy that I won’t have to wait as long. YAY!

 

Quote & Affirmation of the Day

“The greatest wealth is health” – Virgil

 

Affirmation: Today is the best day to take steps toward a healthier lifestyle.

Thyroid Update

I got a call this morning from my endocrinologist and my thyroid nodule is benign. What a relief! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Although I have been thinking positively and praying for good results there was still a chance that there could be less than desirable results, there is always that chance. But getting the confirmation that I am fine is such a huge relief. So it is upward and onward. Tonight I will be taking another water aerobics class. I have a co-worker that had a dream I got my surgery date today. I also woke up thinking that today is the day. So we shall see. Maybe it is just the excitement of being so close to getting that date. Whew!

 

Thank you all for your prayers and positive vibes. I am so blessed with such a great group of friends, family and co-workers supporting me. It means a lot to me.

Finally a workout!

Yes, it is true... I finally did my first real workout. Alright, well my first workout at the gym. I've been working out at home riding the bike, doing weights, playing wii and doing resistance bands. Today we joined the YMCA and I had my first water aerobic class. I knew water makes you buoyant but oh my. I felt like I could do anything in that water. Grant it I was a bit slower than the others because I'm still learning and my knees did some popping and moving but not in a bad way. Only if I could live my life in water it would be so much easier. I did it for a full hour without stopping and definitely felt my heart pumping. I'm already feeling sore but I know that is a good thing. I can't wait to go again tomorrow. Not only that but the feeling of accomplishment, the feeling of I DID IT and the feeling that I DID IT FOR AN HOUR! I feel good, tired and sore. But I am happy about it. I am hoping it will help my knees by getting them moving and flexible. My physical therapist is hoping the same thing.

My surgery... well I called Monday to check in. I was told my file is on the surgeons desk in a big stack of files waiting for him to sign off. I asked if I should be getting a call for my surgery date this week and I was told I should. Of course I was hoping sooner than later and nothing yet but there are still 2 days left in the week. I believe my surgeon does have appointments with patients on Wednesday's so I am hoping he was able to do it today. I know... I am so antsy. But come on! I had huge delays and will be one of the last people to get a date in my class but was one of the first ones to get through everything and meet with the surgeon. I am trying to be at peace with the notion that things happen for a reason but that anxious child in my does like to rear its head.

Yesterday I had a melt down. I am so tired of being me. So tired of being the fat me. It affects me in so many more ways than most people understand. I was so angry with myself. I felt so stuck. Today I feel better but I do have some of those feelings resonating. It's hard to spend your life stress about social situations in addition to normal every day stress. I literally have panic attacks about it sometimes. Yes, it is that bad! I know it is temporary and have to tell myself that. I have been doing good and I am still hoping to loose another 35-ish pounds before my surgery date. So that is why today I got serious. Shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, shake before my workout, healthy dinner and exercise.

It's all good.

Thyroid update....life...

So today was the appointment with the endocrinologist. I was originally told it was just a consultation appointment. Well it ended up being the biopsy appointment. I am so grateful my husband went with me. I was not nervous at first. I got nervous when I looked at the tray that was sitting next to me and it had a bunch of needles. I literally flipped out. I got so scared and I was crying. River hugged me for a brief moment which helped. He was trying to get my mind off of it by talking about random things (which is something he does well) which I definitely think is cute. I finally composed myself and the nurse walked in. She took my blood pressure and it was very high and she said she would take it again after the appointment because she could tell I was nervous. The first doctor came in and just asked questions, gave some history of a thyroid nodule, felt the nodule and answered any questions. He came back with another doctor ("the doctor") who said they would like to biopsy it now. They had me go to another room (so it wasn't even the needles I freaked out about) and they had me sit in the chair which eventually laid down. They put some iodine on the area and then they gave me a shot to numb the area (that hurt). After a few minutes they biopsied the area. They told me not to move or swallow. They pricked it 3 times (3 different needles) for 3 different biopsies. The last one he warned me they were going to go deeper. They hurt and mostly it was just very disconcerting to have something (a needle) inside of your throat. They were very professional and did a very good job of making me feel comfortable. My husband watched the whole thing on the screen as they used an ultra sound to locate the needle to make sure they were taking tissue from the correct place. After they cleaned the iodine up they gave me instructions to rest and keep it iced. They also instructed me not to go to work (which I had originally planned on going to work). So I came home checked my work emails and then put ice on my neck and took a nap. Right now it is very sore and just feels weird. I'm told I may get a bruise that may look like a hickey. So those of you that see me on a daily basis will know it isn't what you think and I am not white trash. LOL.

Overall the process was much easier than I had made it out to be in my head. I think we all do that though. We make it out to be so horrible in our heads and we go and it is no big deal. Well I wouldn't say it was no big deal but definitely easier than I had expected. They will have the results in 7 days. The other thing I was told was that because it is so large (now I can really tell and it is very big) that they recommend having it removed soon. They said as long as it isn't cancer that I could have my gastric bypass surgery and then when I get to a healthy weight that I should have this removed. They said it is always safer to do a surgery at a healthy weight that is why they recommend that. Also when they started putting the ultrasound on it the doctor said that it is pushing up against my trachea and eventually will definitely cause issues with my breathing. In fact right now it is having a impact and is pushing it to the side but eventually it will be a bad scenario that is why it does need to be removed. I asked about the pills and they said they don't do it because it causes osteoporosis and issues with the heart and kidneys and they believe it isn't worth it to put 2 organs at risk to shrink something that may or may not work. Radiation wouldn't work either but I wouldn't choose that as an option anyways. I have to go back in a year so they can measure it and see how much it has grown in a year. At that time (depending on how I am doing with my weight) they may schedule to have it removed. It would also depend on how big it has grown as well. Some different factors are involved. The important thing was they said I was ok to have the gastric bypass surgery as long as it isn't cancerous. They did say there is a low risk for cancer but it can happen. So I am keeping myself and my thyroid in my prayers and if you are spiritual/religious if you could do the same it would be great. I am thinking positive and everything is going to be fine!!!

I am having a hard time with the no bad carbs thing this week. I have been craving cereal of all things. I mean I want cereal for dinner. Honey bunches of Oats to be more specific. I want cereal for a snack. I have never been a big cereal eater ever. I mean I would eat it occasionally but I/River never really bought cereal often. So it is very odd. So I have given in and bought a box. Because I have been craving it for so long. I have learned about cravings. Most cravings are only cravings for a few seconds or maybe a few minutes. But cravings that go on for days are something you need to have and move on. You have to do it in the right proportion, of course. I think I miss the crunchy stuff. I don't eat anything crunchy really. I don't even usually care for crunchy as I usually like soft and mushy but I dunno. I am still doing protein shakes for breakfast. River and I have gotten pretty creative and have created all different types of delicious concoctions. So it is has been fun as well.

Thank you all for your support it means so much to me!

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Updates and moving forward

I do have a few updates to share. The first one is in regards to my thyroid. I have been so upset that my appointment isn't until June. I feel like I keep hitting these road blocks and I'm so ready to have the surgery TODAY. I know timing is everything so I am trying to be as patient as possible. But JUNE??? So I called the appointment center and ask if there is a cancellations. The person on the other end of the phone says "Oh San Marcos, they are always booked. Are you willing to go to another location?" I told her of course! So she looked and at another location (which is actually closer to me) there was an available appointment this Friday. I mean why didn't the lady tell me "The other locations there may be sooner availability". So now I know to just so I don't care where just get me a appointment within a reasonable amount of time. So Friday morning I have a consultation. I'm nervous and my awesome husband is going with me mainly for support.

The other update is in regards to the gastric bypass surgery. As you all know the internist put me on hold until I could exercise. I sent that in 2 (almost 3) weeks ago. I even received a call almost 2 weeks ago confirming that they were sending the release over to the surgeon's office. So I call the surgeon the other day to get an update. I wasn't sure if it was pending my thyroid issue or not. I found out they never received the release from the internist. OMG! I was so upset! They said they will get the release and put the file in for final review. I asked if that was the only outstanding item and they confirmed that was it. So I am hoping for a call next week with my surgery date. I am sure I will have the thyroid thing all taken care of before I even have my surgery. I'm guessing my surgery date will me in August or September. We will see.

As for me I am doing ok. I am not getting good sleep. I guess I should wear my cpap mask but I always end up throwing it off in the middle of the night. I have a feeling maybe the nodule in my thyroid is blocking air during the night (being it is so close to my wind pipe). I don't know. I really thought this machine was the answer and I have had no luck (except the one night) with feeling rested. I'm still groggy every morning and don't feel rested no matter how much sleep I get (or don't get). There is no happy medium. Last week I was so exhausted that I did get one good night of deep sleep. I believe that is what I am lacking. That deep sleep.

I'm not complaining though. I do have so many things to be grateful. Over all my health is good considering what I weight at the moment. I'm sort of stuck on the scale though. My weight keeps fluctuating within a pound and I can't seem to continue to lose. I guess it may time to change things up. My body is doing weird things this week too so maybe it is all part of that. Mother Nature has a way of stirring things up. At least I'm not gaining and am still a total of 63 pounds down from where I started. I still would love to be able to have 100 pounds gone by the surgery date. We shall see what happens.

Thank you all again for your support. I really appreciate all the emails and comments!

Update on my thyroid nodule, breakfast = epic fail

I got an email from my doctor and he wants me to have a biopsy on my thyroid nodule. The nodule measures 5.8 x 4.6 x 3.7 cm. Definitely not something I am excited about but I do know that it is something I need to do. Hubby offered to go with me which makes me feel better. I am such a baby when it comes to these sorts of things. I really don't know how I came to agree to have gastric bypass surgery but I have. Anyhow the soonest appointment isn't until June which is a disappointment. It is a consultation appointment. I am hoping to call every week in hopes there is a cancellation that I can get in sooner. I just want to get this done and over with. The part of the email my doctor sent that gave me hope that it isn't anything serious is when he put "so far the nodule does not have any suspicious features of concern, but it is a good idea to have this evaluated and checked to make sure it is benign." If interested in reading about at thyroid nodule click here to read about it.

Otherwise I have been doing pretty good. Some days are better than others but that is life. This last week was a high stress week with lots of "drama" happening at work. I noticed I was very tired this week. It may have something to do with the stress. But I was in bed early almost every night (with the exception of the night I couldn't sleep) and then woke up when my alarm went off every morning. So I got a good 8-10 hours of sleep which is what I personally need. I envy those people that only need 5-6 hours of sleep and be fine (my husband being one of them).  Maybe when I lose weight things will change but maybe not. Only time will tell.

I tried making breakfast this morning and it was an epic fail. I was so disappointed. I was looking forward to having healthy pancakes but it just did not work out. I think it was how I mixed the ingredients. Oh well I will try something different next time. Once I get the hang of it I will tell you how it tastes and share the recipe.

Alright I think that is it for now.